OF THE GOVERNOR
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
ANNOUNCES STATE MERGER DEAL WITH ORACLE A GO FOR 2004
Governor Gray Davis today announced that after
intense negotiations, the state merger with Oracle will take effect
January 1, 2004. "In the new year, "political parties" as we now
know them will be a thing of the past, my friends," Davis declared.
"The looming recall will be a non-issue."
"California has always been the center of innovation, and
with this merger, we are ensuring it will continue to be just
that," Governor Davis said. "The tech industry was born in
California--with the success of companies in the San Jose bay
area, San Diego and greater Los Angeles basin. We are thrilled
that we've been acquired by such a formidable market force."
Until now, corporations have controlled the political arena by
conducting private deals in smoky back rooms. This negative image
promotes neither a healthy corporate or political atmosphere.
Therefore, in a positive and natural maturation of co-dependence,
Oracle Corporation and the State of California are paving the
way for corporate-State management.
Oracle CEO Larry Ellison stated, "Yes, we are pioneers. Yes we
are innovators. Yes we are visionaries. As soon as we get the
keys to this baby we're going to rev it up and make it run leaner
and meaner than anyone thought possible."
California is currently home to more than 12,500 tech companies
that employ 720,000+ people in the areas of menial coding, non-union
labor, H-1B visa-labor and permanent consultant statuses. In 2002,
this translated into the tech industry paying its employees millions
less in wages and salaries, with an average annual savings in
the billions. "With our fiscal situation as it is these are
the savings our state needs," Governor Davis said, adding,
"This is the type of hard-ball businessmanship that we look
forward to and it will be sure to pull us out of the current economic
slump. Californians should be jumping with excitement."
California, newly equipped with the technical resources and corporate
skill of Oracle, plans on developing and commercializing the public
sector in order to eliminate crippling losses, like minimum wage
salaries, and getting the California economy back at number one
in the country - once again able to claim the nations highest
concentration of private wealth.
Governor Davis said other California corporations and their highly-skilled
CEOs are being aggressively recruited by other regions in the
United States and the world that seek to also become leaders in
"Our success is not driven by our number of successful CEOs
alone," Governor Davis stated, "but by the ability of
our corporateers to turn ideas into successful businesses and
low paying jobs. By re-directing existing State resources, this
merger I am announcing today will maintain that leadership for
many tomorrows. Califoracle will serve as an example of efficiency
Governor Davis, acknowledged that with all change comes growing
pains. "As a State we will get through this together. By
combining our efforts and working as a force--A force with a purpose
of making this one of the most successful mergers in World history--we
will prove that this deal is only the tip of the iceberg, capable
of sinking the Titanic of old-world ways of merger acquisitions."
Governor Davis and CEO Ellison outlined some of the "growing
pains" that they have deemed necessary. Both said they were confident
that the residents of California would recognize the benefits
in preserving and increasing the private profits of a precious
few while moving forward with this merger which would ultimately
benefit all. Governor Davis and CEO Ellison outlined some of the
- A 90% across-the-board reorganization of state employee positions.
"While some might foresee immediate pain, many will feel
freed," Davis emphasized, "remember, while growing
we must bleed a little." Ellison added, "The female population
should be able to relate to this.";
- The word "California" will be stricken from the
state lexicon and will be replaced with "Califoracle."
The Governor expects that Califoracle Associates (formerly Californians)
take immediate, proactive steps to comply with this policy.
Letterhead, signs, textbooks, titles and other 20th century
references to "California" are to be changed by January
1, 2004. As part of the merger agreement, these changes are
to be the sole responsibility of individual Associates. Resulting
costs must be borne by Associates and will not be reimbursed
- Secretary Hatamaya will work closely with the University of
California's (sic) UC Office of the President in facilitating
the transfer of each UC campus to an Oracle campus. Upon transfer,
they will develop strategies that accelerate commercialization
in academia, standardize learning and develop new methods to
market to younger populations;
- Effective immediately, Governor Davis will provide ample opportunities
for Californians (sic) to learn more about aggressive marketing
and corporateering, the goal being that on January 1st Califoracle
Associates will hit the ground running;
- All Califoracle Associates will undergo a six-month review
during the summer of 2004. Governor Davis indicated that more
information would be available on the Califoracle.com web site
as the deadline approached, but did elaborate that those who
fail their evaluation would be required to turn in their Associate
proximity reader ID badge and leave the State. Exit interviews
will be scheduled for all those not meeting the Califoracle
standard as well as those let go in the initial restructuring.
Associates may or may not be considered for re-hiring. "We
do not expect this to be an issue for too many Associates,"
the Governor laughed. Adding, "Our expectations are high
for this merger and we are confident that we will meet our first
quarter profit goals."
- The title of Governor will be replaced with Human Resources
Director, and political affiliations such as Democrat, Republican,
Independent, etc. will not be recognized within Califoracle.
"You're all Associates now, with a common vision and plan."
"Each of these initiatives can be accomplished
with the resources available to us, even in the current budget
situation," Governor Davis said. "Whether it's reorganizing
and downsizing the workplace, promoting big business, making small
numbers of Associates extremely prosperous or all three at once,
we need not wait around for national or international influences
to take effect. Califoracle will take charge of it's own future."
Ellison concluded, "A large part of that future is going
to be the Califoracle-led global proliferation of merger/acquisitions
such as we are announcing. They are the single most effective
method for economic growth. This is why the success of Califoracle
is going to be a key focus of our future economic growth strategy
Governor Davis and CEO Ellison shouted in unison, "Welcome
to the new California...Califoracle!"
from Ronald Reagan