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Oracle Acquisition of California A Go!
Leopold Trepper, Staff Writer
Friday August 1, 2003

Redwood Shores (CA) – In an apparent “one-up" on its competitor PeopleSoft, the Redwood Shores, CA based business software company Oracle, has signed a deal for an undisclosed amount in the acquisition of the state of California.

The recently announced merger comes after a fierce battle in which Oracle attempted an unsuccessful hostile takeover of its smaller competitor.

“All we were initially interested in was the acquisition of PoepleSoft but they decided they wanted to play hardball,” said Oracle Executive Vice President brother Charles Phillips, who is African-American and was hired specifically because of his people’s experience with being acquired.

Brother Phillips added, “But it comes down to simple economics, we gave up on nickel-and-diming in trying to fry the small fish and went directly for the big kahuna. Now there is very little they or anybody can do to stop us. You hear what I’m sayin’?!”

As serious budgetary concerns and a recall vote to oust Governor Gray Davis grip California, the merger added a whole new layer of hope and complexity.

“We are obviously delighted in the prospects of such a formidable company as Oracle taking the reigns of the entire state,” Governor Davis stated with a sigh of relief.

Governor Davis unveiled a few of the many changes that will take effect after the acquisition is complete:

1) Citizens of California will be promoted to Califoracle Associates;
2) California will be stricken from the State lexicon and replaced with the more forward thinking, Califoracle;
3) All instances of the word "California" must be replaced with the new brand, Califoracle--no later than January 1, 2004 (e.g. The State Bar of Califoracle);
4) The ".gov" URL extension will be outlawed in the state and replaced with the more business-friendly ".com";
5) All media sources must filter their content through new big-business-friendly Califoracle media restructuring software prior to publication.

While these were only a few of the slated changes, Governor Davis promised that Califoracle Associates would be kept abreast of up-to-the-minute news, Associate policy, and other relevant information through the states new official web site: www.califoracle.com.

It is not clear how this will effect the recall vote but Davis sat calmly in a new $6,500 Armani suit.

Oracle CEO, Larry Ellison, added, “Now I hope [PeopleSoft CEO] Conway realizes I wasn’t screwing around! When I say I'm going to acquire something I mean it. Be it your home or a whole damn state. One way or the other I get what I want." Ellison was later seen outside the press conference standing defiantly in front of Conway with his thumb to his nose, wiggling his fingers and yelling, "Seeeeee! Na-nee-na-nee-naaaa-neeeee..."

CEO Ellison and Governor Davis emphasized the importance of associates preparing now for the switch. "We only have 5 months before the actual transfer, we strongly urge future Califoracle associates to begin preparing for their new positions," Governor Davis said.

For more information or customer service, go to the state web site: www.califoracle.com.


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