Califoracle - Press Release

Press Release

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Governor's Seal
OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR

PR03:001ez
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
09/02/2003

DAVIS ANNOUNCES STATE MERGER DEAL WITH ORACLE A GO FOR 2004

9/2/2003

SAN FRANCISCO

Governor Gray Davis today announced that after intense negotiations, the state merger with Oracle will take effect January 1, 2004. "In the new year, "political parties" as we now know them will be a thing of the past, my friends," Davis declared. "The looming recall will be a non-issue."

"California has always been the center of innovation, and with this merger, we are ensuring it will continue to be just that," Governor Davis said. "The tech industry was born in California--with the success of companies in the San Jose bay area, San Diego and greater Los Angeles basin. We are thrilled that we've been acquired by such a formidable market force."

Until now, corporations have controlled the political arena by conducting private deals in smoky back rooms. This negative image promotes neither a healthy corporate or political atmosphere. Therefore, in a positive and natural maturation of co-dependence, Oracle Corporation and the State of California are paving the way for corporate-State management.

Oracle CEO Larry Ellison stated, "Yes, we are pioneers. Yes we are innovators. Yes we are visionaries. As soon as we get the keys to this baby we're going to rev it up and make it run leaner and meaner than anyone thought possible."

California is currently home to more than 12,500 tech companies that employ 720,000+ people in the areas of menial coding, non-union labor, H-1B visa-labor and permanent consultant statuses. In 2002, this translated into the tech industry paying its employees millions less in wages and salaries, with an average annual savings in the billions. "With our fiscal situation as it is these are the savings our state needs," Governor Davis said, adding, "This is the type of hard-ball businessmanship that we look forward to and it will be sure to pull us out of the current economic slump. Californians should be jumping with excitement."

California, newly equipped with the technical resources and corporate skill of Oracle, plans on developing and commercializing the public sector in order to eliminate crippling losses, like minimum wage salaries, and getting the California economy back at number one in the country - once again able to claim the nations highest concentration of private wealth.

Governor Davis said other California corporations and their highly-skilled CEOs are being aggressively recruited by other regions in the United States and the world that seek to also become leaders in corporateering.

"Our success is not driven by our number of successful CEOs alone," Governor Davis stated, "but by the ability of our corporateers to turn ideas into successful businesses and low paying jobs. By re-directing existing State resources, this merger I am announcing today will maintain that leadership for many tomorrows. Califoracle will serve as an example of efficiency and profiteering."

Governor Davis, acknowledged that with all change comes growing pains. "As a State we will get through this together. By combining our efforts and working as a force--A force with a purpose of making this one of the most successful mergers in World history--we will prove that this deal is only the tip of the iceberg, capable of sinking the Titanic of old-world ways of merger acquisitions."

Governor Davis and CEO Ellison outlined some of the "growing pains" that they have deemed necessary. Both said they were confident that the residents of California would recognize the benefits in preserving and increasing the private profits of a precious few while moving forward with this merger which would ultimately benefit all. Governor Davis and CEO Ellison outlined some of the changes:

A 90% across-the-board reorganization of state employee positions. "While some might foresee immediate pain, many will feel freed," Davis emphasized, "remember, while growing we must bleed a little." Ellison added, "The female population should be able to relate to this.";
The word "California" will be stricken from the state lexicon and will be replaced with "Califoracle." The Governor expects that Califoracle Associates (formerly Californians) take immediate, proactive steps to comply with this policy. Letterhead, signs, textbooks, titles and other 20th century references to "California" are to be changed by January 1, 2004. As part of the merger agreement, these changes are to be the sole responsibility of individual Associates. Resulting costs must be borne by Associates and will not be reimbursed by Califoracle;
Secretary Hatamaya will work closely with the University of California's (sic) UC Office of the President in facilitating the transfer of each UC campus to an Oracle campus. Upon transfer, they will develop strategies that accelerate commercialization in academia, standardize learning and develop new methods to market to younger populations;
Effective immediately, Governor Davis will provide ample opportunities for Californians (sic) to learn more about aggressive marketing and corporateering, the goal being that on January 1st Califoracle Associates will hit the ground running;
All Califoracle Associates will undergo a six-month review during the summer of 2004. Governor Davis indicated that more information would be available on the Califoracle.com web site as the deadline approached, but did elaborate that those who fail their evaluation would be required to turn in their Associate proximity reader ID badge and leave the State. Exit interviews will be scheduled for all those not meeting the Califoracle standard as well as those let go in the initial restructuring. Associates may or may not be considered for re-hiring. "We do not expect this to be an issue for too many Associates," the Governor laughed. Adding, "Our expectations are high for this merger and we are confident that we will meet our first quarter profit goals."
The title of Governor will be replaced with Human Resources Director, and political affiliations such as Democrat, Republican, Independent, etc. will not be recognized within Califoracle. "You're all Associates now, with a common vision and plan." Ellison declared.

"Each of these initiatives can be accomplished with the resources available to us, even in the current budget situation," Governor Davis said. "Whether it's reorganizing and downsizing the workplace, promoting big business, making small numbers of Associates extremely prosperous or all three at once, we need not wait around for national or international influences to take effect. Califoracle will take charge of it's own future."

Ellison concluded, "A large part of that future is going to be the Califoracle-led global proliferation of merger/acquisitions such as we are announcing. They are the single most effective method for economic growth. This is why the success of Califoracle is going to be a key focus of our future economic growth strategy worldwide."

Governor Davis and CEO Ellison shouted in unison, "Welcome to the new California...Califoracle!"

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